Week 2

Dear C

I’ve been thinking about the unconscious.

            Maybe that’s pointless.

            Maybe that’s missing the point.

But more specifically how we can cultivate the unconscious

How we can listen to the unconscious.

Some of our reading dealt with that

            Perhaps that’s the point of the class.

            To discover how to listen to the unconscious.

The text mentioned one way…

A sensory deprevation chamber.

I actually had the chance to experience this a few weeks ago.

I was in Honduras for vacation with my family.

On the dive isle of Utila there is a man who has a business.

He calls it

“Float Utila.” http://www.floatutila.com/

It was one of the most

surreal and unusual experiences

I’ve ever had.

It was an 8 foot by 8 foot by 6 foot chamber.

There was about 6 inches of salt water on the bottom of the chamber.

I got in. Shut the door. And laid down.

I was in complete

            And utter

                        Darkness.

            Blackness.

I’ll admit it was a bit strange,

and at first I didn’t know what to do with myself.

                        But soon… I just gave in to the experience.

                                    You had to.

                                    Otherwise you would have been bored out of your mind.

Eventually I gave in…

            And just found…

                        Nothingness…

It’s hard to speak about what I felt

or what occurred for the

one hour and thirty minutes

I was in that chamber.

I just….

            Floated.

That really is the best word to describe it.

In some ways it was an out of body experience.

            At some points I felt like my body had disappeared into the salt water.

And I was left as just a consciousness.

Just a mind.

Just existing.

After a while I did get bored.

But I found solace in rhythm. 

I began to push off of one side,

and float to the other.

And I would count.

1,2,3,

4,5,6,

7,8

1,2,3

4,5,6

7,8

Inhale. Push. Exhale. Push.
Inhale. Push. Exhale. Push.
Inhale. Push. Exhale. Push.
Inhale. Push. Exhale. Push.

I found a rhythm and was able to

forget about my mind.

And find that un(conscious) place.

I found that mountaintop experience.

The question now,

Is how to find ways to replicate that mountaintop experience?

Short of creating a sensory deprevvation chamber in my own basement…

            Which is impossible.

            I don’t have a basement.

How do I replicate that experience?

How do I cultivate that same kind of presence of mind?

How do I cultivate that same kind of un(consciousness)?

            Maybe that’s the point of this class.

            Hopefully ill figure that out…

T

Week 1

Dear C,

“I long to write what I am not writing… (17). “ That’s all I needed to read from our coursepack in order to write this letter to you. Cameron is referring to the art of writing and specifically the morning pages, but I find this is notion is just as applicable to living…

Let’s replace those words….

“I long to live what I am not living…”

A little awkward.

One small revision.

“I long to live HOW I am not living…”

That’s better.

At least for me.

Recently, I’ve been trying something new. I’ve been trying to live as authentically and honestly as I can. Admittedly it’s not going quite how I would like it to go. There have been a lot of bumps along the way, and especially over the past week. This past week has been terrifying… downright and utterly terrifying.

There have been times where I have felt Suffocated.

                                                                        Alone.

                                                                        Helpless.

                                                                        Stretched thin…        and…

                                                                        Wound so tightly…

Cameron is right when she says that, “It can be hard at first being naked on the stage (17).” She also posits that it is very hard, but mainly at first. The more we do it the better we get at it. The more morning pages we do… the better we get at connecting our mind to the pen to the page.

I think the same principle is true about living.

The more we live authenticly.

The more we are our true selves.

The better we get at being our true selves.

It’s hard at first.

Like really really hard.

But when we do it. We get better at it.

I’m going to be honest. This past week has been really tough. I’m immersed in the kick back from living my life authentically. But somehow, somewhere it’s worth it. To live creatively. To reinvent the way I interact with the world.  When we do this and we realize that everybody else is doing the same thing. Trying to live as authentically as they can. It helps us understand each other more. It helps us have more compassion. As Cameron says, “It’s simple and centering…(18).”

It helps us realize that

                                      we

        are

  not

         alone in this.

Being honest is hard. But each and every day I become more and more convinced just how necessary it is to improve our overall quality of life.

Despite the fact that it’s been a hard week,

the more I am myself the happier I am.

            Each and every day it’s a process though.

 Just like the subject matter of this class.

Every Day: Morning Pages.

Every Week: Artist Date.

Every Week: Walk.

I loved the Soren Kierkegaard quote in the book.

            “Above all, do not lose your desire to walk; every day I walk myself  into a state of well-being and away from every illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought no burdensome that one cannot walk away from it (27). “

Walking is just such a perfect metaphor.

A physical walk isn’t always the solution.

Sometimes it’s a mental walk.

            Step by step.

                        Day by day.

                                    Minute by minute.

This is something I’m realizing. Even now.

This week.

Sometimes you need to walk away. Mentally.

Sometimes you need to walk away from thoughts that are so burdensome.

I believe this is one step to happiness,

at least as Mr Csikszentmihalyi defines it.

“Happiness, in fact, is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each person. People who learn to control inner experience will be able to determine the quality of their lives, which is as close as any of us can come to being happy. (32)

For me. I determine the quality of my life

I prepare for, cultivate and defend this condition by living authentically.

Presenting myself “nakedly.” On paper. And In conversation.

I’m glad you’re here. In this class. I’m glad you’ve joined us. I hope you wont feel alone. And if you do. Realize that we are all feeling that way in some way or another.

I’m excited to learn with you and from you this semester.

I’m excited to live authentically with you this semester.

T