Dear C,
“I long to write what I am not
writing… (17). “ That’s all I needed to read from our coursepack in order to
write this letter to you. Cameron is referring to the art of writing and
specifically the morning pages, but I find this is notion is just as applicable
to living…
Let’s replace those words….
“I long to live what I am not
living…”
A little awkward.
One small revision.
“I long to live HOW I am not
living…”
That’s better.
At least for me.
Recently, I’ve been trying
something new. I’ve been trying to live as authentically and honestly as I can.
Admittedly it’s not going quite how I would like it to go. There have been a
lot of bumps along the way, and especially over the past week. This past week
has been terrifying… downright and utterly terrifying.
There have been times where I have
felt Suffocated.
Alone.
Helpless.
Stretched
thin… and…
Wound
so tightly…
Cameron is right when she says
that, “It can be hard at first being naked on the stage (17).” She also posits
that it is very hard, but mainly at first. The more we do it the better we get
at it. The more morning pages we do… the better we get at connecting our mind
to the pen to the page.
I think the same principle is true
about living.
The more we live authenticly.
The more we are our true selves.
The better we get at being our true
selves.
It’s hard at first.
Like really really hard.
But when we do it. We get better at
it.
I’m going to be honest. This past week has been really
tough. I’m immersed in the kick back from living my life authentically. But
somehow, somewhere it’s worth it. To live creatively. To reinvent the way I
interact with the world. When we do this
and we realize that everybody else is doing the same thing. Trying to live as
authentically as they can. It helps us understand each other more. It helps us
have more compassion. As Cameron says, “It’s simple and centering…(18).”
It helps us realize that
we
are
not
alone in this.
Being honest is
hard. But each and every day I become more and more convinced just how
necessary it is to improve our overall quality of life.
Despite the fact
that it’s been a hard week,
the more I am
myself the happier I am.
Each and
every day it’s a process though.
Just like the subject matter of this class.
Every Day: Morning Pages.
Every Week: Artist Date.
Every Week: Walk.
I loved the Soren Kierkegaard quote in the book.
“Above all,
do not lose your desire to walk; every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and away from every
illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought
no burdensome that one cannot walk away from it (27). “
Walking is just such a perfect metaphor.
A physical walk isn’t always the solution.
Sometimes it’s a mental walk.
Step by
step.
Day
by day.
Minute
by minute.
This is something I’m realizing. Even now.
This week.
Sometimes you need to walk away. Mentally.
Sometimes you need to walk away from thoughts that are so
burdensome.
I believe this is one step to happiness,
at least as Mr Csikszentmihalyi
defines it.
“Happiness, in fact, is a
condition that must be prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each
person. People who learn to control inner experience will be able to determine
the quality of their lives, which is as close as any of us can come to being
happy. (32)
For me. I determine the quality of
my life
I prepare for, cultivate and defend
this condition by living authentically.
Presenting myself “nakedly.” On
paper. And In conversation.
I’m glad you’re here. In this class. I’m glad you’ve joined
us. I hope you wont feel alone. And if you do. Realize that we are all feeling
that way in some way or another.
I’m excited to learn with you and
from you this semester.
I’m excited to live authentically with
you this semester.
T
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